July 13, 2016 Just keep praying

Hello my love,

The other night, I said a small prayer before drifting off to sleep.  I asked God to please let you be close to Mommy and I as we slept.  I didn’t really know what I was asking for, I just miss your presence in my life , and in that moment, I just wanted to believe that you were close to me.  God was gracious enough to answer that small prayer.  I had a wonderful dream where I saw you and Mommy hugging and playing and I woke up in a pretty good mood.  I didn’t ask for a dream and really, I wasn’t expecting one.  But I’ll accept every opportunity to see you I can get and thank the Lord for an answered prayer.

 

The dream sort of got me thinking, I think it showed me another answered prayer.   Or at least, that’s how I interpret it.  I’ve been praying for Mommy a lot lately.  I hate seeing what this has done to her and it’s been really weighing on me.  I try my best to lift her spirits by reminding her of God’s promises.  As I say the same things over and over to her, I find myself in a better place.  I do believe what I’m saying, it’s not some pep talk to get her past a bad depressing moment.  It’s instruction on how to live with this tragedy.  When I focus my love and attention on Jesus and on others, Mommy in this case,  my issues sort of fall out of focus.  I’ve had a good couple of days, and in retrospect,  I think God is using me to comfort Mommy, the very thing I’ve been asking God to do.

I wouldn’t have thought it possible for you to be any more special to me, but I can’t help but smile when I think about your part in my salvation.  Just to be perfectly clear, it’s only by God’s grace that I have been saved,  but you sent me looking.  Most likely with a passion I never would have had otherwise.  I’ve been to church. I learned about Jesus.  Along time ago, I even asked Christ to forgive me of my sins, but you know, I never really needed Jesus before and thus never really got to know Him.  I never felt broken, not just emotionally, but broken over how unworthy of His grace I really am.  Circumstance aside, this is a huge difference in my faith now.  Before, I knew who Jesus was, I knew OF Him.  Now, I KNOW Him.  You’ll never trust someone you know OF with your life as much as you trust someone you KNOW.  My God means everything to me now, I’m so glad I went looking in these dark times.  I’m also glad He is your God, your Father, too.

It’s kind of strange how people ( myself included ) that really have, or think they have everything they need, don’t really need God and don’t really get to know God.  But if you really look , you find that you have nothing that wasn’t given to you and nothing that can’t be taken away.  What you’re left with is a dependence, and in that dependence you’ll find (I found) comfort…peace.  My favorite time of day is in the morning, just after getting ready for the day.  I lock myself in your room, sit down on the floor by your bed and pray.  Sometimes I’ll be in there for 20 minutes.  The world stops, I speak, God Listens.

Some answered prayers are more impactful than others.  Dreams are good, comfort and strength are great, but a new baby brother or sister…well, there are really no words.  On top of that, the timing…The due date is within 3 days of your accident and birthday.  God willing, it seems like we’ll have some joy brought into our lives during an incredibly difficult time.  There’s a lot more that could be said here, but I prayed for this, believed it would happen and hoped it would be according to his will.

13 I write these things to you who believe in the name of the Son of God that you may know that you have eternal life. 14 And this is the confidence that we have toward him, that if we ask anything according to his will he hears us. 15 And if we know that he hears us in whatever we ask, we know that we have the requests that we have asked of him.  1 John 5:13-15

Keep praying for us Clar-Bear…  Our emotions are ALL over the place. We are already scared that lightning will strike twice, but I guess that’s to be expected…I’m still a heart-broken dad.  I’ll keep doing the only thing I can do…I’ll keep praying, keep trusting, keep hoping.

I love and miss you so much,

Daddy

 

 

 

Luke Phillips Katy Phillips Clara Phillips
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33 thoughts on “July 13, 2016 Just keep praying

  1. Meghan

    This is wonderful news. You may want to check out the blog “an inch of grey” This family is going through a similar journey. Very happy to hear that you have this upcoming blessing.

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  2. Beth

    This is wonderful news, God along with Clara are making miracles happen. Clara wants you and your wife to be happy and share the love you shared with her with a brother or sister.

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  3. Sue paul

    Although a new baby will never fill the hole in your hearts for Clara it is definetly the most precious gift God could send you at this time. A new and beautiful new life for you to love and give a new positive meaning to your life. GOD does work in mysterious ways and always knows what we are missing. Congratulations to both of you and your new little one will be able to return some of the love and light back into your hearts.

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  4. pamelasheedy

    Luke,
    Congratulations. Clara will always be watching over you and your journey has brought you closer to God than you ever imagined. No one will ever replace Clara or fill her spot in your heart. I believe your prayers were heard and He knew what you needed. Praying for your family always.

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  5. Megan

    Wow. How amazing and beautiful. God is good. I’ve been waiting for a new blog post from you, Luke, and this is such a beautiful surprise. I think Sydney will be excited, too, although I may wait to tell her until I talk to Katy for more info. Our hearts are always with you and Clara, as you know. Your post has me crying, but for a different reason than in the past.

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  6. Elaine

    Praise God!!!! I have been praying and asking God to send you and Katy a “rainbow” baby. A rainbow usually follows a storm. I believe Clara picked just the right baby for you and Katy. This new little one will never take Clara’s place but you will have so much JOY!!!!!!! I am so happy for you. I will be praying for Katy and her pregnancy. God bless you both. What a beautiful gift from God!

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  7. Kelley

    Congratulations! I just knew Clara would send you this git! Dont deprive yourself of the joy and love it brings. No guilt! Clara lives on in this Baby!

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  8. Beth D

    Congratulations Luke and Katy! I’m glad to hear of your journey Luke and where it has taken you. Be extra mindful of Katy now during this time. Emotions run wild during a pregnancy and hormones can be kind or they can reek havoc. She will need your strength now and God’s guidance as she celebrates the gift that God has given both of you but I’m sure will also struggle with fears and mixed emotions that she has no control over. I’m glad you were given that dream. I’ve had it myself and it is amazing the peace it can bring you. You now know that Clara is happy and safe and at eternal peace. I found it got me over the hump and I finally felt the peace I needed to feel. I hope you did too. It was Clara letting you know it was o.k. to move forward and that she was fine. Always with you in spirit and never forgotten but at peace. Again Congratulations on your wonderful news. I will continue to pray for you as you go through your journey and please make sure that Katy knows that whatever feelings she has during the next months are O.K. and that she is entitled to them all and although at times it may be a struggle God would not have given you HIS ultimate Gift if there wasn’t a purpose. You both have so much love to give and He knows that. Keep Katy close and remind her that this is going to be a happy chapter and you both deserve that. I’m sure Clara is beaming with excitement! Congratulations!

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  9. Tina Harkness

    Wow! Congratulations! I read your blog consistently and I am so encouraged by your faith and the strength you have shown. God is amazing and with him by your side, you can’t go wrong. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

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  10. Rhonda Tackett

    I couldn’t be happier for you both. This is an answered prayer for me! And you don’t even know me. I have prayed that God would bless you both in a special way and boy has He!!

    Liked by 2 people

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  11. goldilaks

    What a blessing for you! Wow, your emotions must be all over the place… what bittersweet joy for you. I’m sure Clara would have loved having a baby brother or sister, and will be overjoyed that there will be a new baby as her birthday gift 🙂 It will be so scary for you both, but how brave you both are! I’m so glad this is happening for you, because you both seem so young and have so much love to give as parents… your arms just shouldn’t be empty. Nobody will ever replace Clara in your hearts, but your hearts are also far big and enough to make space for another little love. Just keep holding Katy tight… pregnancy hormones will give her a big emotional ride on top of what you are already dealing with, especially after the birth. And just keep reminding her that all her feelings are OKAY and normal. Congratulations ❤

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  12. Connie litz

    Congratulations. I keep you and your family in my prayers always. I read and save your letters to Clara and thank you for sharing. I am so much closer to God now . What you write is truth.

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  13. lilianariv

    Luke and Katy, God IS Good! I am crying tears of joy and sadness at the same time! I have been praying to God for both of you to have joy in your life again, and God has been gracious to you. There is always sun shining above the clouds, and this is proof! Please know that I will continue to pray for you both everyday. Liliana Bricken

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  14. BarbaraH

    Luke, I am so very happy for you and Katy….Sissy, too! God has given you the most precious gift. I have prayed that there would be some kind of sunshine to brighten your days. No one can ever take the place of your beautiful Clara. However, she is sending you a sign that she is ok. She wants her Mommy and Daddy to be happy. She will be the beautiful Angel walking beside you, Katy and the new little love. God Bless all of you. I will continue to pray for you all and am beyond words with the news of your new little arrival. Congratulations. This is truly a gift from God…hugs to you all….xo

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  15. Dianne

    Somehow, without even knowing you, I was waiting for this announcement. I greet this news with tears and joy for your family. I pray for you and your wife at this time for a very peaceful , uneventful, and beautiful pregnancy. We are so blessed to know you; even if only on the page. God Bless you both at this precious time!

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  16. Leslie Jones

    I miss how Clara would hide from her teachers to jump out and give them a big hug. Or in the morning if I was having a bad day, and she would ask, “What’s the matter Ms. Leslie?” I would say some clad answer, she would always follow up with, “It’s Ok!” And give the best hug ever!!

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  17. Linda Dunbar

    Luke & Katie-super excited for the both of you. We’ve all been heartbroken for all of you-finally some wonderful news to make you both smile! Hugs from Maine! Classmate of your mom’s!

    Liked by 1 person

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  18. Jon Payne

    Luke – your spiritual growth has been amazing to watch. And inspirational. Its clear that your faith is now impacting others – via this blog, via you supporting your wife, etc. I’m sure Clara is smiling down on you and Katy with a grin from ear to ear. And I’m so excited about the good news of the little one on the way. We will continue to keep you guys in our prayers and look forward to seeing you next time we’re in the area.

    Liked by 1 person

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  19. Susan Jacox

    Just read your latest post, and congratulations! A baby on the way is so exciting.
    My kids go to Winfield so I have been following your story and blog posts from the beginning, and have been so moved by your beautiful, heartfelt writing to Clara. Even more so I have been impressed by your growing Faith. Knowing, and actually having a relationship with God has recently brought me great comfort as well. It is awesome to see what He is doing in your heart and life.
    God Bless you, Katy, and the new baby!

    Liked by 1 person

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